Avenging "The Avengers"

No, not the Marvel movie. I'm talking about the 1998 film starring Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes (who looks damn good when he's not all Voldy btw). If you've never heard of this film, which received some of the worst reviews in movie history, as well as a Razzie award for worst remake or sequel, it's based on a 1960s British TV series.

When Americans redo British shows, they typically pale in comparison  (with the exception of The Office, which is infinitely better, from what I've seen). The quick-witted, subtle humor often fails to excite the audience to laughter and awareness that there is in fact great chemistry between the two protagonists (a magazine also voted the pair the worst of all time). If we don't actually see them engaged in the sweaty throes of passion, there's obviously nothing there, right?

The attraction is evident, but there's nothing wrong with exercising some restraint in the name of mutual respect and maintaining an air of professionalism. The scene where Stead slowly unzips Dr. Peel's boots is pretty racy, downright sensual even.

In defense of the film's plot, the synopsis on Wikipedia is awful and that, coupled with the reviews I skimmed through on IMDB, led me to the conclusion that people just didn't get it.

I've never watched the series and happened upon the movie just as it began on Cinemax during a bout of insomnia, so I'm no expert but allow me to attempt a more thoughtful analysis.

From what I've gathered, the film was hacked to pieces in the name of keeping the action running along and a good deal of significant details fell by the wayside, leaving a vast majority of viewers effectively puzzled, myself included to some extent.

Instead of automatically criticizing or hating what I did not quite understand, I went searching for answers or at least some insight to validate my own understanding and came up with nil.

Stead and Peel partner up to first uncover and then foil a mad scientist's (played quite convincingly by Sean Connery) plan to use his weather-controlling technology to force the world powers to pay him to maintain a livable environment in their respective countries.

What they don't know is that the "Father" of the ministry (Fiona Shaw), is acting as a double agent with ulterior motives to get in good with Dr. Wynter, whom she has the hots for, though he shares no mutual affections, while he is simultaneously using Father to get his hands (and presumably other parts) on the real Dr. Peel, who's been cloned for use as a doppel-weapon of sorts in order to both confuse Stead and obtain evidence to frame Peel for murder and subsequently arrest her (incidentally just when things starts really heating up between the two). Meanwhile, "Mother" (Jim Broadbent), is pretty well as oblivious as the film critics as to what's really going on.

Wynter has a gang of colorful teddy bear henchmen, which I believe Peel mentions she knows from a former project she'd worked on, but admittedly, they are not explained much further. Wynter offers the rainbow teddies an out before he carries out his plan. The yellow one and the green one resign and he shoots them dead in their hearts with large golden darts. My former over-achieving English nerd wants to find symbolic meaning there, but my fatigued brain is not having any luck on that front. Something about Chinese ancient ancestors, maybe.

There's an epic element there involving the offering of a macaroon to Dr. Peel, which she accepts against the advice of Stead in the beginning and decidedly turns down at the end of the movie. Forbidden fruit metaphor perhaps? I'm trying, y'all.

There's mention of Peel being seen as a schizophrenic psychopath in an attempt to diminish her credibility of her own identity and grip on reality in general. She asks Stead if that's what he really thinks of her and he replies something to the effect that she's just his kind of woman. Aww.

While my synopsis may not be entirely sequential, neither was the film itself apparently, so I'm not sorry for my efforts to dig a little deeper and give the flick the credit I think it deserves. I purposely omitted certain details for the sake of not giving it all away.

Did I redeem it sufficiently? You be the judge. Tell me what you think.